Finishing VERY LateI am almost ashamed of today's race. And I really don't know why I keep putting myself through this. My goal was 34 minutes, and I knew it was a lofty goal. At worst I thought that I would be able to do it in 36 minutes. But after the chip-time delay, I am looking at a 38:48 minute run. That sucks! It's my perfectionism that holds me back. I have said before that I am not motivated by these runs. Being next to a bunch of runners doesn't inspire me. It makes me nervous. And since this race wasn't until 3pm I had the entire day to feel nauseous. I hardly ate anything. But the key was I started too fast. I told myself that I just needed to go out and run as fast as possible. But, I ran the first half mile in 4:30, which is much too fast for me. I let myself slow down slightly because I can't run three miles in 9-minute-miles. I KNOW that. However, that first five minutes took it all out of me. I couldn't get my breathing back in order. I couldn't push myself. Then my shoe came untied and I let myself walk for 30 seconds. After that, my perfectionism takes over. Once I know that I am not gonna make it, then I figure why even bother. I ended up walking three times. The whole thing is ridiculous. I ran three miles with Brandy just a week ago in 33 minutes. Why do I keep putting myself through this? Why do I pay money to suck it up? The truth? Because it's the only thing that keeps me running. And of course I said that I would never do it again. But instead I just don't want to do it again until I am faster. I do still want to run a 10k with Jen, because we've never run together and she's my biggest running motivation. I am frustrated. But I want to keep up my running and work on getting faster this winter while I am trapped in the gym. Then when spring comes and I can go outside again, I can work on building up my endurance at that faster pace. Frustration all around. But I am thankful for my running partners. I hope that they will continue to run with me even when we have nothing to train for.
Shannon, Karrie and Brandy
1 comment:
Wow, what a great photographer!
Don't beat yourself up so much. Maybe you should have a training goal for speed that is separate from your race goal. Then it wouldn't get you all stressed out because you would know you could do it. Or the races could just be a reward for all your hard work and maybe should just be there to enjoy the run, not try for speed.
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