Logical

I had a one pound loss this week. I'm back to that dreaded 13 pound mark. But still, a loss! And I only worked out 4 hours. Honestly I thought that it would be a little lower. I ate really well all week (except for margaritas/mexican on Monday) and just felt lighter. Don't ask me to explain that. I can't help but feeling like I could have lost more if I had gone to the gym a few more hours. Still, it seems logical that if I had worked out last night after work I would have come home and eaten a snack (probably a fattening one) instead of just watching the baseball game and reading a book. I also need to take into account that working out makes me feel better about myself. If I skip the gym I feel depressed and sad and worthless so that benefit can't be overlooked. But what portion of that is guilt? It's hard to "let" myself skip the gym.

My goal for this week is to attend Spinning and BodyPower twice. I am dog-sitting on Thursday so if it is not raining, I hope to run/walk with Hannah. Besides that I will see how I am feeling. It seems really freeing not to have to cram an hour workout into each day. Especially because I am in the middle of a seven-day work stretch. But if the scale starts moving up, or a hint of depression sets in, I need to get back to the gym.

I want everyone's opinion: is it logical that I could lose more weight by cutting back on the cardio?

Zero Workout Plan

I have a new thought on working out: don't do so much of it. Every once in a while I go through this phase where I just don't feel like working out. This generally translates into four to five hours of gym time opposed to the usual seven I do. And in these periods of slacking I generally find that I lose weight. How baffling! I wonder if I am losing muscle or something like that. But what if this is the theory: when I workout seven plus hours a week, I eat more. And I probably eat more than the 300ish calories I burn by working out. I'm not saying that I am going to quit working out entirely. I am just going to tone it down a little and see if I see results. This week I have only worked out four hours (and probably won't add any more tomorrow). My scale was down two pounds this morning. So far it's working! On the other hand, when I am not working out, I crave it. I can't wait to go running and see how far/fast/long I can run. Maybe a little downtime with be good for me in several ways.

Back in the Saddle

Even though I was pretty scared to go back, I got back in the saddle tonight at tackled Spinning. I had to keep telling myself that having your toe strap break and cracking your ankle is a fluke accident and it wouldn't happen to me. But boy was it scary. Still, I got a pretty good workout in. And the emergency from Monday has really bonded me with the ladies in class. I have grown closer to them in the last six weeks than I have the entire year I was taking Kickboxing.
I was very sore yesterday and today from my high-squat weights in BodyPower on Monday. But I kept it up again tonight and I am feeling better already. Other than that every thing's about the same. I have Thursday and Friday off from work (before I work seven straight days in a row) so I might be mixing up some workouts in the next few days. I will keep you posted.

New Hopes

I worked out seven hours this last week, even though I felt like I was slacking. I guess the three hour start on Monday really helped out. Then I took my normal two classes on Wednesday, plus an interval run/weights on Saturday and finally yesterday's race. Still I ate whatever I wanted and the scale jumped up and down all week. It landed at 14 pounds this morning. Obviously I am not going to be where I need to be in three weeks for Jennifer's wedding. But I am going to make a good effort to work on it this week. I need to get back to writing down everything I eat. Starting tomorrow! Tonight I am going out for celebratory Margaritas with Shannon and some others. There has to be some benefit to putting myself through all that race trauma.

Tonight in Spinning there was a catastrophe. About five minutes before class was over we were all standing up sprinting (going as fast as we can) when this girl's foot strap broke. Her ankle twisted in the toe brace and immediately began swelling. She couldn't put any weight on it and eventually began crying. It scared us all. I don't need that happening to me. Hurting myself is one of my greatest fears. Like one of these times when I am running too fast, or in the rain, or off of curbs, I am going to fall and break something. But then I remember that that kind of thing only happens to Jennifer, so I am safe!

Now that my race is over I jumped right back to my high squat weights. I am sure that I will pay for that tomorrow, but it will be a good pain. I also remember, just in time, that I meant to use Larges for warm up. It is really helping to make shoulders easier and maybe even biceps. Do you notice that you don't warm up your triceps or chest. How are those supposed to ever get stronger?

More Race Disappointments

Finishing VERY Late

I am almost ashamed of today's race. And I really don't know why I keep putting myself through this. My goal was 34 minutes, and I knew it was a lofty goal. At worst I thought that I would be able to do it in 36 minutes. But after the chip-time delay, I am looking at a 38:48 minute run. That sucks! It's my perfectionism that holds me back. I have said before that I am not motivated by these runs. Being next to a bunch of runners doesn't inspire me. It makes me nervous. And since this race wasn't until 3pm I had the entire day to feel nauseous. I hardly ate anything. But the key was I started too fast. I told myself that I just needed to go out and run as fast as possible. But, I ran the first half mile in 4:30, which is much too fast for me. I let myself slow down slightly because I can't run three miles in 9-minute-miles. I KNOW that. However, that first five minutes took it all out of me. I couldn't get my breathing back in order. I couldn't push myself. Then my shoe came untied and I let myself walk for 30 seconds. After that, my perfectionism takes over. Once I know that I am not gonna make it, then I figure why even bother. I ended up walking three times. The whole thing is ridiculous. I ran three miles with Brandy just a week ago in 33 minutes. Why do I keep putting myself through this? Why do I pay money to suck it up? The truth? Because it's the only thing that keeps me running. And of course I said that I would never do it again. But instead I just don't want to do it again until I am faster. I do still want to run a 10k with Jen, because we've never run together and she's my biggest running motivation. I am frustrated. But I want to keep up my running and work on getting faster this winter while I am trapped in the gym. Then when spring comes and I can go outside again, I can work on building up my endurance at that faster pace. Frustration all around. But I am thankful for my running partners. I hope that they will continue to run with me even when we have nothing to train for.

Shannon, Karrie and Brandy

Three's Company Too

I worked out almost three hours today. Luckily I had taken the day off of work, and had plenty of time to do that. And I didn't do much else. This morning I woke up at 7am to go running with my friend/coworker Shannon. She has just recently begun to run and is going to be joining me this Sunday for the Governor's Cup Race. She had never actually run outside, so we tested her ability this morning. It was so early that I didn't feel like pushing too much, and she doesn't talk as much as Brandy, and it was rainy, and cold. But we did three miles in 35:20. That's not bad given all that criteria. And we both feel like we can push ourselves on race day to come in just under 34 minutes. I am going to do another long run (4 miles) later this week, and then I will done with my training. During Saturday's intervals I must have hurt my knee. It has been quite painful for me to go up and down stairs for the last two days. But it didn't seem to effect my run.

This evening I attended my regular Spinning class. Brandy joined me, but we weren't able to get bikes next to each other, which is unfortunate. As always, this was an excellent hour of sweating and my knee didn't hurt at all during this class. We stayed for BodyPower but I had to skip out on squats because that hurt my knee a lot. Besides that it was an excellent class. I have used a large weight on the warm up a few times now, but often I forget until I am half way through and it's too late to increase. I need to figure out a way to remember.

After all of that you'd think that my weight would react in some way. But I have not been eating well at all. Yesterday was Jennifer's wedding shower and I ate two pieces of cake plus some mints. Then Jen and I stopped for margaritas and chips and salsa before she had to go back to Omaha. Finally, after four hours of making/stuffing favor boxes with Jennifer's family, we order pizza. It's not like I am eating a ton of food. I am just eating junk. I definitely need to eat more healthier during this week leading up to my race. Well, and you know, the rest of my life!

More Intervals

Today's Running Goal: 24 minutes of Intervals (2/2)
Accomplished: 6 sets of intervals: 6.0mph, 6.0mph, 6.0mph, 5.8 mph, 5.7mph, 5.8mph
This morning I had to get up early (well 9:00) to get a good workout in before I went to attempt to donate blood for the second time this week. But it was a good workout. And I was really proud of myself because it was the kind of morning you want to snuggle into your bed, look at the snow coming down, and drink some coffee and eat pancakes. But I was trudging through the snow to the empty gym to run some fast intervals. Yes, they felt really fast, but the two minutes seemed like enough time to recover. I started off really well with the 10 minute miles. But by the fourth session I had to let myself slow down... but just slightly. In the 24 minutes of running and walking I went 1.9 miles (12:45 minute-miles average). Even though the gym was freezing and I thought that their heat must have broken, I was drench in sweat when I was finished. But my muscles felt pretty good afterward. When I was done, I went upstairs and did an upper body weight lifting session. Then out of nowhere as I was getting ready and leaving to donate blood, my knee started hurting when I went down the stairs. And it has hurt ever since. I have no idea what that is from. Did I hurt it this morning during my interval runs? Is it an injury from those fast miles I ran last night? Is it a repercussion from all the spinning I have been taking? It's the same knee, but not the same location of pain. Hopefully I can get over that... I have a race a week from tomorrow.

My weight has been the same all week. Today I got to eat cookies at the blood bank (I ate them on Thursday too, when I had a high temperature and wasn't allowed to donate, but I was still allowed to eat cookies!) I met my mom for a lunch that wasn't super healthy, and I am pretty sure that I will be eating out for dinner. Tomorrow is Jennifer's Bridal Shower, which means cake. Sometimes I try to make myself skip the cake, but tomorrow I think I deserve it. If I workout in the morning I will reach eight hours this week, and if you can't eat cake and cookies with eight hours of working out, then that's not a life I want to be part of!

Almost Ready

Today's Running Goal: 3 miles in around 34 minutes
Accomplished: 3 miles in 33:32 (11:11 miles)
Excellent! Before the snow falls tonight and winter hits, Brandy met me after work for a quick three mile run. We pushed really hard and accomplished exactly what I wanted and then some. Obviously it was hard, and I was breathing really heavily. But I could probably cut off another minute next week on race day. It's not like I have a side ache (or any ovary pain) I just am panting as hard as I can, and my legs feel like they can't go any faster. Shannon (my running partner on race day) claims she was able to run three miles in 30 minutes this week, although she felt like she was going to pass out. So I think together we should be able to push ourselves. I am really appreciative to Brandy though, because I don't think I would make myself get out there and do this without her.

I had a stressful week at work. I have worked the last seven days in a row, and finally I have a three day weekend. Still, I managed to workout six hours since Monday. I was going to go to Butts n' Guts last night but I decided that I needed a day off, plus with this race training I have been pretty sore the last few weeks. I didn't need even more muscles holding me back. I am finally feeling a little less stressed. I hope to have a nice healthy weekend. If I get to bed now, I can get up early and go to spinning. We'll see. Otherwise, I'll head over to Gold's and run some intervals and lift some weights.

Cool Runnings

Yesterday's Running Goal: 4 miles
Accomplished: 4 miles in 49:08 (12:17 miles)
I wasn't trying to break any speed records last night, I just wanted to get out there and run four miles. I haven't actually done this since early August, in extreme humidity. Last night was anything but humid. It was chilly (48 degrees) and dark and a little windy. But after I got done working ten hours, I met Brandy at my mom's house to run with Hannah. Those 49 minutes dragged on for hours. Even though it was nice to have Brandy to talk to, it seemed like it was never going to end. Still, I wasn't going so fast that I was worn out. My legs were really achy when I got done though, which I think might be a sign of the cold weather, because I don't remember this happening in the summer. The last two times that Brandy and I have run has been less than optimal outdoor weather. So we are certain that we will be fine no matter what the weather is a week from Sunday. Later this week I will try to run another 3 miles extra fast. Tomorrow my goal is to actually register for the race. Then there is no going back.

Tonight Brandy and I tried a new Spinning class ( new teacher for me) at the gym. This lady was fun and spunky but her workout didn't seem as hard. I fell slightly in love with her when she said: you'll burn at least 500 calories in this next 45 minutes with me and that's enough for a large margarita! As always though, it was much better than Kickboxing. I can really feel it in my legs, and I am thinking that I should take some body measurements, so six weeks from now I can tell if my legs are actually slimming down or if it's just my imagination. I didn't have a chance to talk to Brandy about it, but we'll see if she wants to make it our regular Wednesday evening workout.

What's the Point?

Jennifer made a comment on my post yesterday about my frutration with weight loss. She thinks that I am too worried about the number on the scale and not noticing that my clothes fit better and therefore I must be improving. Obviously it is pretty arbitrary that I picked out this weight-goal and I won't stop until I see the scale read that number. Whenever I tell people that I want to lose 10 more pounds they look at me like I am crazy. Often people say: you don't need to lose anymore. I just assume that they are being nice, or that they're jealous; and who are they to decide what I want to do with my body? Still, people say this so often that I sometimes worry that I have become obsessed about that number. And reading back through my blog entries about my ups and downs makes even me think that it's not worth the hassle to get my weight down that low. BUT, it's not like I picked some crazy low number that I want to become; I'm not trying to be 120 pounds. I just want to fall in the healthy range for my height. I just want to have a normal BMI. I just want to be healthy. I would be happy with average. And according to the scale I am not there yet.

On the other hand, Jennifer is right. I wear medium or small shirts at almost all stores. I can fit into a size eight dress and last week I almost bought a pair of size ten jeans (money was the only thing holding me back). That was my ultimate goal in this entire weight loss lifestyle. I can run at speeds and distances that I never thought I would be able to do. I am getting stronger every day. I take classes at the gym all alone which I don't do anywhere else in my life (things alone). I enjoy working out and the feeling that it gives me. I am more confident; I am healthier; I make smarter choices about food or recognize when I don't. Maybe I have suceeded already.

So, what is the point?

After jumping up a few pounds early in the week and staying there, I was not surprised that I had gained a pound this week. I am now back at that 13 pound mark that just loves me so much. The sad fact is, I didn't eat that poorly this week. Sure I had one margarita and some chips. Sure I enjoyed a few Chocolate Chip Cookies at our Saturday evening bookgroup. And yes, I had to buy some mini-halloween treats and ate a few. But I worked out eight hours this week. And this leads to weight gain? My life has become a roller-coaster of emotions regarding weight loss. I lose a few pounds I am happy, then I gain a few and am disappointed. With this wedding just five weeks away, I am thinking of taking drastic measures. The Special K diet? Boring. Starvation? Well I don't want to pass out while dancing. Perhaps good old fashion calorie restriction is the way.

Another great round of spinning tonight. Mixed with some great weight lifting afterward. Makes for a great night of workouts and a great start to the week. Begining tomorrow I am working 9-8 on Tuesdays. So this will be the day that I am most likely to skip a workout. However, now that I am in heavy training mode for my upcoming race, I am hoping to do a little running tomorrow. I am also dog-sitting, and Hannah loves to be my running partner!

Stealing Jen's Workout

Taking a hint from last Sunday's workout with Jen I ran more intervals tonight. My goal was to do the same thing we did last week: run 2 minutes, walk 2 minutes for 24 minutes, plus a three minute warm up and cool down. This week I was on a treadmill and was able to control my speed, plus I wasn't tired from doing another workout prior to this one (although I was tired from working all day). I made sure each running interval was between 9:30 and 10:00 minute miles. It was difficult, and the two minute walk break wasn't ever enough. But I travelled more than two miles in the half hour workout which was pretty good.

I had met my mom at Gold's so we went up to the weight room and did some things. I am planning on going to BodyPower tomorrow, so I didn't want to do lot of weight lifting. But I showed my mom how to do lunges and I did several using a riser. Then I showed her lots of the moves we did last week in Butts n' Guts. So I worked my abs some more. After 30 minutes wasting time upstairs we went home. But it was a good workout to end the week. And it takes my total workouts to eight hours this week, which I haven't accomplished in months. Unfortunately, my weight has only gone up this week, so I have no optimism for my weigh-in tomorrow.

Good Progress

Yesterday's Running Goal: 3 miles

Accomplished: 3 miles in 35:06 (11:42 miles)
This was a difficult workout. It was rainy and windy and 49 degrees outside . Brandy met me for a late afternoon run, for which I am very grateful, because I never would have dragged myself outside alone. She did an excellent job of pushing me hard enough, without dragging me down the street. I actually had to stop for about 30 seconds of walking about half way through, but she made sure that I was right back to it. Even with the walking, and a stop to tie my shoe, and another brief stop to wait for traffic, I finished in 35 minutes. My goal was to do this three miles in less than 36 minutes, less than 35 next week and less than 34 on race day. It was a difficult 35 minutes, so I am not overwhelmed with assurance that next week will be any easier. But I do have a little more confidence that I might be able to do 34-ish minutes next week and 33 by race day. However, I will have to do the last one alone, and I need Brandy's motivation and encouragement to keep pushing myself. I still need to get my 4 mile (long run) scheduled for some day. I think that is key to making the three miles easier.

Also, my abs were in quite a bit of pain while running and afterward. Apparently butts n' guts did really work something. My lunch plans got altered slightly and we ended up eating at the mall. I chose Subway, because that's the best thing I have to control my portions and calories. Dinner was light as well. But I let myself buy mini-candy bars at Target last night and enjoyed at least five of them. But I have been craving chocolate forever. And after that run, I deserved some.

Nothing is Happening

Wednesday evening I attended spinning and BodyPower. Pretty much same-old same-old there. Last night, was my first Thursday off in a long while. I am now switching my ten hour work days to Tuesday, so I will getting off of work at 6:00 on Thursdays from now on. So I started this new lifestyle by taking the Butts n' Guts class. It had previously been taught by Steven, an instructor I didn't care for. Now it is taught by Liz, who is the kickboxing teacher that I don't care for (confused yet?). She was alright for butts n' guts though. She's by no means inspirational, and she doesn't push us super-hard. But my glutes were in some serious pain a few times during the 45 minute session. And today my obliques are a little sore, even though I didn't feel them while it was happening. I could see myself taking this class on a weekly basis. However, I don't want to commit to it so much that I don't allow myself to have a life. Technically Thursdays will be the only weeknight that I am free to do other things, so I must keep it open. Still, if I am just going to go home to sit on my butt, I might as well be working it off first.

The scale jumped a little earlier in the week and has refused to budge. How upsetting. I feel like there is nothing I can do, and that just encourages me to go eat more. For example, I am now off to meet some girlfriends for lunch, and I must make sure to get something healthy, but what I am wanting is chocolate. I even indulged in a Margarita last night, although I split a meal. Maybe that's why the scale isn't moving...